I am so sorry

I know that it has been........ basically never since I posted an update or even something worth reading on my blog spot and I truly apologize.
I am always busy with work and working out and getting settled down here in New York.
Unfortunately things aren't going as gracefully as I had anticipated since I arrived in New York City in May and it has lead to some very dark episodes of depression.
I hadn't even imagined that I would feel the range of disappointment that I have been feeling.
I once heard someone say that if they never completed their dreams they would never want to go home; because you just can't go home and be a failure. That is just how I feel right about now. A big failure. I want and need so much more outta my life and time spent here. I am trying to keep a positive outlook on things the reality is that when you can't open the window of opportunity you just wanna walk out of the door of life.
I know this isn't the most cheerful of blogs but I figure I can use this blog as an online diary of some sort.
Bare with me people (the 2 of you out there)